I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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