I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
