My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
