2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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