Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
