is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize