Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
