My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
