we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
