We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
