wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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