My hand turned me down
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We got so high we made milksteak
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
