This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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