What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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