Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
