in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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