well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
