who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
