That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Every concussion has its silver lining
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
