Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
