I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
