HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
