God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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