i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
