Sober January is a disaster.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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