WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
