i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
