i think my tv is drunk
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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