dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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