She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
