where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
