I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
