So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize