So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
