Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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