i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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