he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
