i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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