i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
