oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
