guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
