All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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