I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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