My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize