guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
