Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
