I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
