You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
