If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
