and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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