I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
