I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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