I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
