SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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