Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Are we still banned from the library?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
