you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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