I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
