I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You took a bar mat shot.
As shirtless as possible
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
