guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
