therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
