my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize