"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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