the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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