your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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