im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
worst night to have a conscience
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
