Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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