..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize