____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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