It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hippo gnu deer
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize