You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
