So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
