well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
