What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
