just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
