is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize