you guys were way drunker than both of me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
