glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
