so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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